Friday, May 17, 2013

1 week 7 days

And so, here I am. Sipping mocktails, cleaning the bits of sauce from the duck confit I just had.

Life is good. But no, I don't pamper myself like this everyday. Today is Friday, I passed my 2nd paper yesterday. Well, just excuses for a good meal to treat my exhausting brain and deprivation of the thoughts of treating myself with something good. And the duck confit is just 10.90! *clappedfoot*

It's been a week. A week ago I am on the bus, contemplating what awaits while listening to the auntie beside me talking about her job which decipher name and fortune-tell from there. I told her my name was Elizabeth.

I stay with a very cute auntie. Everynight I came home to see her watching tv with all the lights off. It's amazing that I didn't shout when I first saw her with my little heart.

God has been with me every single day, every single moment, watching over me. I almost got hit by my own bus when I just reached. Just a split second, I could have became the headline for 'Small boob job hunter dead under the spell of Singapore-will-never-want-you'.

I made friends, out of random conversation. 'You passed the exam?' 'Which exam are you sitting for?' and all sorts. And I guess I still stay the same, same old curly hair when I just reached, same old determination, same old strength, same old resistance to break down when dad texted me 'like father like daughter, I know you could do better, keep on'.

And everynight, I pray. I pray for the safety and protection for my family and friends back in malaysia. I pray that as God is watching over me here, he will bless everyone, bless my own country. And I pray to God to keep an eye on me, to never let me stray too far from the person he made me, to keep my compassion for people, to have the heart to love everyone just as how God loved me.

I was on a bus with a friend the other day, after sitting down and standing up to let elderly have their seats twice, he said 'Just forget it, I'm half Singaporean'. No, that doesn't change. Compassion, grace and humanity stays wherever one is, regardless of what nationality.

Staying strong,
KhaMun


Thursday, May 2, 2013

10

10 more days til the big transition, the new life. Am I ready?  I think I will never be ready to part with my loved ones.

Dad came home late tonight from work. We chatted awhile, showed him some interesting videos from fb and asked him what he thinks about my newly permed hair. He gave me a pleasant smile and said "crazy go perm like that". I made funny faces and went up stairs.

Just like every other night, mum putting bandage and plasters on her hands after applying hand cream for her "Housewives Hand Eczema". I looked at her and it might not be the same next time. I might not have the lavish of time to see her doing that soon.

So I question myself why am I going away.

To earn a living just as why everyone is there in Singapore for? Am I not living well enough here in Malaysia?

Unlike others, the main reason I'm heading there is to make a change, make a difference in my life. For most of my life, I was living under shelter of my loving family. Albeit that, parents were lenient on me and I got the most freedom among the siblings. I could hang out til late, work and travel overseas even though knowing that some nights when I am soundly sleeping in a bed 300 miles away, my parents could be awake on bed with lights off, talking about how to send that box of my belongings to me.

I try my best to compensate each time I am back or knowing that I will travel again. Compared to the Kha Mun during my younger years, I have better control of my temper. I spend more time with them and try to make more memories. Be it dyeing hair for mum, talking with dad about politics or even painting his nails and have a good laugh.

But still, I am not a filial daughter. I made them worry about my safety everytime I came home late. I raised my voice when my impatience took over me. I would talk to Yow on the phone and closed my door, til they gotta speak to me through the door. I didn't teach my dad how to use the iPad we bought over a year ago. I never really clean the kitchen for mum after she cooks.

So why do I leave? Does it make me a better person? A better daughter?

No, certainly not. In fact, it could make me a worse daughter, a changed friend, a greedy girl. I might drift away from my belief (that the world is a better place if we could show kindness to each and everyone out there), I might begin to throw money to my family as substitute for the times that I have to be away. I might just go the wrong way.

But I have faith. Faith that my God has lead me to the right path. Faith that I will be stronger with each steps I take. Faith that if I sincerely ask for anything good in the name of my God, He will be there for me. I am not a religious individual but I believe God is always there for me and He will guide me along the way.

10 days to my departure for a new life, I finally shed tears on this matter.

My dear Kha Mun, if you're ever gonna read this, and if you're ever gonna drift away from your belief, please remember every single tingling heartfelt moments that you used to type this post.

Love,
Kha Mun

Monday, December 10, 2012

23

It has been a very fruitful year. In fact, I would say it was phenomenal to me.

I was shattered, broken, healed, recovered, loved, appreciated, protected and lifted up high spiritually in just one year.

Friends. I wouldn't be writing here without any of them. One by one, they grow as the pillars of my life, supporting and nourishing each and every remarkable moments.

Studies and future career. I have always been a very blessed girl. God has blessed me with great mentors who never give up on me, who encourage me all the way. I got into a research program, one that is well funded and supported by the government. And with that, all I need is my will and my persistence to make things pay off.

Love. It was my world. Well, was, until it breaks me apart, or parts. (Crying to Adele's feels stupid now) But it is a blessing in disguise, truly. It is still important to me but to be able to differentiate 'want', 'need' and 'love' just feels like a clear blue sky right now.

God. Drawing nearer to God everyday could be the best gift ever. Bible studies, Sunday services, prayers and every miracles that I see each and every day change my life. I may not be able to fully comprehend the word of God, but that sprouting belief is slowly rooting. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock,
and gave me a firm place to stand
Psalm 40:2

Kha Mun of 24 years old, may you be blessed with greater joy, wisdom and strength.



Friday, April 29, 2011

Do not covet your ideas

What pushes you forward is the need, the desire to gain the extra miles.

Reading a really good book recently
"If you give away everything you have, you are left with nothing. This forces you to look, to be aware, to replenish"

I love the idea, what about you?


btw, hello again.

Carmen